Here is a humorous view of Constitutional law based upon what government actually does, not what it says, the following is submitted as THE REAL CONSTITUTION.
We, the serfs, threatened with immediate death or imprisonment if we dissent, hereby capitulate to the following government being imposed on us, government by consent, having been abolished.
ARTICLE I: All glory, power, majesty and dominion, both now and forever, from everlasting unto everlasting, world without end, is vested in the Permanent Government. There are no limits to the power and jurisdiction of the Permanent Government.
There are two classes of people in the society: Government employees and agents, who alone know what is good for society (referred to as "us"); and the Little People, whose only job and reason for existing is to fund the permanent government ("them"). The three branches of Government are:
(1) Tax gatherers and judges, who shall outrank all others and have supreme preeminence;
(2) Military and police who alone are authorized to carry weapons to shoot and subdue the little people, and
(3) regulators and teachers, who will control the Little People and clarify their values.
The Little People have no rights, such notion being a mythical fiction propagated by the writings of dead white European males, other than the "right" (actually a mere privilege) to mill around passively, on two conditions, namely (1) sending money to the permanent government in amounts to be determined solely by the permanent government, and (2) not arguing, dissenting, or otherwise making trouble for the permanent government, or even thinking thoughts which are not approved by the permanent government.
ARTICLE II: In order to pacify the Little People and propagate the fiction that this regime is anything other than a totalitarian oligarchy, the Little People may periodically vote. The permanent government may, in its sole and unreviewable discretion, consider these votes as the whining of the Little People, ignorant and unwashed masses that they are, who do not know what is good for them. No vote or election shall have any actual influence over the operation and control of the permanent government, but the government may consider such votes and elections, in the same category as letters to the editor, or the barking of dogs in the pound over their preferences of dog biscuits.
ARTICLE III: The permanent government will tolerate the existence of newspapers and radio and TV broadcasts, only on the condition that they do not criticize or investigate the operation and activity of the permanent government. The newspapers and broadcasters are permitted to produce and disseminate a product called "news", only to the extent that such material is pro-government propaganda in nature, or otherwise anesthetizes the minds and imaginations of the Little People. Broadcasters must obtain a license to operate from the permanent government. Agreement to abide by the foregoing shall be called "freedom of the press."
ARTICLE IV: The permanent government hereby establishes certain agents or "offices" called commissioners, representatives, senators, governors, and a president (collectively "politicians" herein). They are not regarded as among the three branches of government; their role is in the nature of being "honorary advisors", whose duty is to advance and enlarge the power of the permanent government, and any rhetoric to the contrary will be understood and treated as window-dressing to pacify the Little People. Anything done by the politicians which even appears to limit any aggrandizement of the permanent government is void as a matter of power and of law.
ARTICLE V: The permanent government hereby establishes certain agents called judges. The duty of the judges is to enlarge the power and aggrandizement of the permanent government. The judges are permitted to hear and decide private disputes, with an obligation of always ruling in a way that will further enlarge the power of government, or at least its revenue.
The criminal code shall consist of the following law only: "All illegal activity and thought is hereby prohibited." The permanent government will periodically, and in the sole discretion of the permanent government, randomly, accuse some of the Little People with conduct or thoughts which piss off the government. Anything which pisses off the government is a crime. Each judge is allowed to contrive a "not-guilty" result, on the condition that such occurrences are random, and do not exceed one percent of the crimes charged in the court. Even where the Court allows a "not guilty" result, it shall do so in a way that maximizes revenue to the permanent government, and will teach the Little People to not engage in conduct or think thoughts which might ever piss off the government.
ARTICLE VI: Every piece and form of property in the universe, whether real or personal, tangible or intangible, animate or inanimate, known or unknown, belongs to the government, to be used by the government for the enlargement and further aggrandizement of the power of the permanent government. The Little People may temporarily possess or occupy certain pieces of property, on the condition that the Little People periodically and promptly pay a license to continue possession of the property. Such license or privilege to temporarily possess the government's property shall be called a tax; and may be denominated a property tax, a registration fee, a license tax, or any other denomination of tax or fee. Any of the Little People who imagine a so-called right to possess the government's property without prompt, frequent, and cooperative payment of the tax to the government for continued possession of the government's property shall be deemed an enemy of the state; and may be called by any of several names, including but not limited to, defendant, right wing crazy, menace to society, tax protester, freedom fighter, gun nut, "freeman", or any other name which the permanent government may from time to time contrive. Any sympathy for such criminal dissidents is strictly prohibited, and will be severely punished as a felony, sedition, treason, or an audit. The duty of government with respect to such seditious menace, is to crush any such imagination before it spreads, to bankrupt any of the Little People who dare to challenge the permanent government with litigation, and to abolish their temporary possession of any more of the government's property.
ARTICLE VII: In the furtherance of its aggrandizement, the government shall create dependency in the Little People by giving some of them "benefits". The purpose of these "benefits" is to subdue the Little People with their own money, and by creating psychological addiction to the benefits, create the fear that they cannot live without the benevolence of the Permanent Government as their Provider. The permanent government shall take the place that religion and the idea of God once possessed in ignorant and primitive people. Such benefits may be called by whatever name is most calculated to create maximum dependence on the permanent government, including such terms as "social security", "Medicare", "Medicaid", "AFDC", welfare, food stamps, entitlements, subsidies, grants, and any other such term. The Little People may have "Freedom of Religion", which the permanent government defines as the worship, adoration and veneration of the permanent government as the provider, and benefactor, of the Little People. Any other form of religious thought will be regarded as seditious.
This Constitution is for the benefit of the Permanent Government, and its ever expanding power and aggrandizement, and therefore does not need to be signed or dated.
Michael David Heit, bearman@IN-TCH.COM
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